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soondoobs
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Name: susannah
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 3/8/1979
Gender: Female
Interests: working out alot, telling hideous lies...
Expertise: as lame and morbid as i may sound at times, the only thing that keeps me looking forward to new days is the incredible grace and mercy given me by a God so great who loves me for me-
Occupation: Sales
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  soondoobs
Yahoo:  unosoons
Member Since:
12/4/2003
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| There's nothing like some peace and quiet to make you feel totally lonely. It just feels ungrateful, but I'm not yet ready to take a hit of a bunch of Christian-ese.
Someone bring back the objectification of women- make it okay for just for a moment. It sounds sick I know, but I miss it desperately. What happened to being sought after for just one thing? What happened to the jerks and the assholes and creeps? Bring em back!
There's nothing like a loving and growing relationship to make plain to you how much of a train wreck you are. My self-loathing has stopped trying to be pretty. The music had already ended but I am still singing-loud and obnoxious, without a tune to hold it. It is embarrassing.
I'm currently plagued by the inability to be truly depressed and cool. Depression is not cool, but I would rock it emo-style if I could get away with it. I saw a seriously old man on a skateboard today-that image will keep me happy for days. damnit.
I am alone tonight and I keep freaking myself out with thoughts of a scary movie preview I saw recently-the strangers....eek! I'm a huge wuss. I can't even watch the Sixth Sense... although I hear it's not all that scary. Actually, I didn't even see the preview, I just heard it on the radio as I was driving.
I've always been scared. I wish someone would explain to me what that loud, earth-shaking sound was back in the second grade. Sounded like a giant taking really big steps really, really slowly at night. I kept thinking he was going to set one of his huge gnarly feet down right on top of me and crush me to death.
I didn't understand how everyone could sleep so peacefully. To this day, I have no idea what that sound was. I also had this reoccurring nitemare of Jaws eating our building but having great difficulty getting a good angle. This one was scary, but only during dreamtime.
Every time I think about The Strangers, I try real hard to think about Kung Fu Panda.
Tonight a friend came over and we watched Short Bus. I have never seen so much penis on TV before. It was unsettling at first- I had to think about the Kung Fu Panda again.
I'm scared now, but I know it'll be okay. I've always known it would be okay. That never helps as much as you would want, but tonight I am going to be a little afraid. Jenni's away on a business trip and I am missing her tonight. I'm going to stop talking nonsense and try praying or something cuz now I feel confused and a little hungry.
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| hey, sure. this is the email that was sent to me...
This video is from youtube..It will take
you about 6 min to watch all of it, but I think it is so sad millions
are joining this new "church" that Oprah is basically starting.
.Very important for all Christians to see.
Send it on to other Christians that you know...
Matthew 15:9 "In vain they do worship me teaching for doctrines the commandments of men." KJ version
JOHN 14:6 Jesus said, "I am the way, and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
This should encourage all of us to get busy spreading the truth!!
Please watch this video about a church that is growing by the millions.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=JW4LLwkgmqA
Christians are sometimes very paranoid and afraid....Sometimes, rightly so, though, i guess.
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| ah, shit....
i think i agree with Oprah...is this backsliding?
someone sent me a youtube clip of Oprah and her newage thang...i guess i'm supposed to start praying ...now! but actually everything i heard, i thought was more or less kosher.
bppp...
but i haven't seen much... i will continue my in-depth research on highly credible and well-respected resource sites like youtube and wikipedia.
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| i should be at the gym, but i found myself particularly grateful this morning as i brushed my teeth. on another note...woah! xanga looks so different! it's been too long...
i wanted to start swimming today, but everyday i go to the gym i find new reasons why today is not the day to start. i forgot to bring a big towel, i forgot to bring slippers, there are too many people in the pool- it'll be crowded, there aren't enough people in the pool- i'll be too self-consious...
today, i am not swimming because i feel grateful. on good friday, myself and a few members of my church had open communion in the castro- right on the corner of 18th and castro. it was cool, we did a mini service twice, once at 7pm and another at 9pm- had dinner in between. there weren't any long lines to take communion, quite the opposite. one chinese woman thought we were selling bread and jenni had to explain to her in mandarin that we were having communion.
but there were a few who came to take communion. even with the busyness of the street, the people crossing-talking, laughing, quarreling, the lights changing, cars stopping and going- even with all that, people get sincere and somber for that brief moment before the alter.
standing right next to us was another group- seminary students from golden gate seminary. there was an angela-from-the-office-type woman with a can of yummy cookies, and 4 other well meaning, future pastor types hanging out offering cookies and condemnation to the people.
ok, that's not fair. forgive them father, for they know not what they do. ;)
i'll change "condemnation" to "conversation" for now. they didn't last very long, i think they spent most of their time silently praying for our souls or something, because they weren't doing much else. i did my part, i ate as many cookies as i could forgive myself for. and then they left.
after communion no. 2 my pastor turned to me and started talking real fast, her eyes were turning red with tears and i just stood there and nodded a lot, cookies in my teeth and my own eyes starting to burn. we had just spent a few minutes talking to a young man about his faith journey. he was tall and probably in his early twenties or so. he had turrets pretty bad, but every 10 words or so, he was able to speak clearly and articulate his thoughts. in between those moments was just jarbled language, a jarring mix of words and sounds and gasps for air.
he had grown up christian, had challenges in the world already because of his turrets. then he had more challenges, because he discovered he was also gay. he hasn't felt welcomed in a church for years now. a couple years ago someone invited him lovingly back to church, only for him to find that they wanted him in an ex-gay ministry. he sincerely loves god, but has a hard time trusting the church. go figure.
it was a trip standing out there with that golden gate group. a stark juxtaposition of my old self and the new. not that i'm any better a person now, just with new perspective. i am empathetic to those well-meaning seminary students-i was like them for much of my life, but i can't help but to feel anger rising from my stomach as i watch them bring even more messages of damnation, of hopelessness to the people who so desperately need truth.
messages of hoplessness because that is what people feel when they are told they can be changed, when really, they cannot. their stories of people they know or have heard of who were "delivered" from their homosexuality. man, our church is full of people who at one point or another were also "delivered" this way. even got married, stayed in a heterosexual relationship for years and years only to find that their only deliverance was from a lie that kept them separated from a loving god.
but i just ate those cookies and said my own silent prayers.
but i'm grateful this morning. i woke up and realized what an amazing god i have. i dont understand him. sometimes i forget what he sounds like. all i know and care to know is that he only cares that i believe in him, and accept him as my own savior. he never said to fuss too much about the rest. he proved it on the cross, and he proves it in my life everyday- whether i realize it or not.
please pray for me, i need a new job.
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| i'm so damn proud of little kennedy!
there's a show on channel 5 right now. its some kids reality-camp thing. they are the most mature group of kids i've ever seen. like little adults- but more mature.
they had a talent show and kennedy won with her goofy comedy set. her winning speech near killed me. she's not the coolest kid on the block, but definitely among the sweetest. she got a gold star for it and she was able to call up her mom and boast a little. that gold star is worth 20 thousand dollars towards her college fund!
when she called her mom, her mom cried, kennedy cried, i balled. i'm so pmsing....
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